Fez or Fedora?
by Kittythekatty
Summary: A fic. involving the crew of the Enterprise and 21st century hats.
1. Chapter 1

**The five times someone wore a fez and the one time someone wore a fedora.**

**Rating**: K

**Warnings: **First story

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing and no one except Anais

**Summary: **pretty self-explanatory

Kirk

A fez was a 21st century hat typical worn in the Moroccan Turkish region of Earth. Yet a century or two later, on the Starship Enterprise, Captain James T. Kirk was wearing one. At first, when Kirk saw the hat, he was both curious and amused. At first, he paid the hat a quick glance, but upon deeper thought, that one fez brought memories of archaic "TV" shows that kirk would occasionally watch. So he bought it. Kirk promptly donned the hat as soon as he was beamed up back to the Enterprise.

At first, Kirk was given some very strange looks as he walked to the bridge. Upon entering, several of the crew turned to face Kirk, some giggling *cough cough Chekov cough*. Spock raised an eyebrow as Kirk walked over to his chair. Sulu carefully took a picture of the captain on his PADD, for later purposes.

"Captain, why are you wearing such an illogical hat?" Spock queried.

Kirk rolled his eyes at his first officer's remark.

Uhura chimed, "I think the fez suits the Captain."

"Fezzes vere invwented een Russia." piped Chekov. To this a couple of people rolled their eyes at the ever familiar phrase.

"So Captain, why the fez?" questioned a bemused Sulu.

What the captain said next was both frustrating and expected.

"I think fezzes are cool and I can wear one if I want to."


	2. Chapter 2 part 1

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing. Not star trek or Phineas and Ferb.

**Warnings: none really**

**A/n: **I've been watching Phineas and Ferb lately, so that's why I'm writing about

Hats, and this story is really random and there might be some OOCness. :P.

Sulu and Chekov

Batman and Robin, Peanut and butter, wait…Peanut Butter and jelly. Some of the phrases to describe the brotherly bond between Sulu and Chekov. But like brothers, they made bets. Some of the bets ended bad for everyone. (McCoy in a tutu? Shudder.) This is one of the times were the bet was pretty hilarious and almost went viral on the Enterprise.

After seeing the Keptin with his snazzy fez, the idea fairy swooped in and an idea fell into Chekov's head, from the crew people around him. The bet involved a fez, a 21st century platypus costume, Vegas showgirls and Sulu's "ninja skills".

Sulu stood there panting. He was fatigued, aching, wielding a foil, and wearing a fez. And he liked it. Standing before him was Anais, one of the new engineers holding a sabre. Surrounding her were the unconscious bodies of Sulu's fencing buddies, passed out from an intense fencing battle. On the sidelines stood Chekov, Jim, and Spock standing there with worried, shocked, and neutral faces respectively.

Anais simpered cutely, "You have talent Mr. Sulu. But not enough I'm afraid." To this remark, Anais proceeded to toss an orange in the air and made several clean swipes, causing the orange to fall neatly on the bench in several segments. Chekov smirked. Sulu would never win the bet. Jim just went, "Ooh oranges!" and proceeded to grab a slice and nibble on it. Anais rolled her eyes and proceed to pick another sabre. Sulu stood there, undaunted.

"Shall we begin?" Sulu grinned. Anais nodded and went into an offensive stance. Chekov blew a whistle. Anais extended her arms and began sprinting towards Sulu at an alarming speed. To this Sulu hefted his foil in a defensive position. Suddenly Anais leapt high into the air, letting the lights cover her. Sulu managed to see and parried the twin sabers quickly, pushing Anais back. Anais reacted slashing her blades into a frenzy of vicious attacks, while Sulu dodged and parried defensively. Analyzing her movements, Sulu looked for weak spots in her defense. There were not many Sulu noted. However when Anais brought her sabers back to deal a strong blow, Sulu took advantage of this moment and ended up disarming her. Anais's face turned to one of surprise and defeat. She moved her hands to a gesture of surrender. Spock and Jim (who were still there) applauded Sulu's victory. Chekov's eyes widened. He gulped as Sulu walked towards him. "I believe you lost the bet!" Sulu smirked.

Chekov gulped again. "Must I?" Sulu nodded. Chekov sighed. Curiosity getting the best of him, Jim asked what the bet was. Sulu gestured for Spock, Jim and Anais to huddle in a small group. Sulu whispered the bet and the consequences of losing. Anais and Jim burst out laughing while Spock stood there with a befuddled expression. "Mr. Sulu, don't you think that is highly illogical?" The rest of the group rolled their eyes while Sulu responded. "Yes it is Mr. Spock, but it is called humor." The Vulcan shrugged then asked if Sulu needed any help. Sulu said any help would be greatly appreciated. The group broke away into separate groups planning for the consequences. Chekov still stood there shocked that he lost. Anais tested this by gently pushing him, causing Pavel to topple over earning a "Hey!"


	3. Chapter 2 part 2

**Warnings:** Vivid images that could be disturbing to your mind.

**A/N: **Phineas and Ferb references from Temple of Juatchadoon.

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing!

Sulu and Chekov part two.

Chekov gulped. He was standing in an odd platypus costume wearing fez. He was blushing, as he was surrounded by his fellow female crewmembers, dressed in matching red Vegas Showgirls outfits. Anais sauntered over to Chekov.

"Ready to do this Russian Whiz Kid?" Anais smirked. Chekov's complexion rivaled the Red shirt's Shirts. Sulu, Spock, and Jim stood to the sides, PADDS ready to catch Chekov's performance (save Spock).

"Well, let's get these ovwer vith." Chekov sighed. All the participants began singing and dancing. Rather well for that matter.

"_Dooby Dooby doo bah"_

"_Dooby Dooby doo bah" (x2)_

_*The female crewmen chime in*_

"_Pavel!"_

_*A male voices begins singing*_

_Background scat/Sulu and several bystanders: (Dooby dooby doo-bah) X4_

_Female Singers: Pavel!_

_Male Singer/Jim: He's a semi-aquatic, egg-laying mammal of action!_

_Female Singers: In a fez!_

_Male Singer/Jim: He's got more than just mad skill!_

"_He's got a beaver tail and a bill!"_

_*Pavel showed the significant parts of his costume and shook.*_

_*Pavel also gestured to the fez*_

_Female Singers: And a fez!_

_Male Singer/Jim: He's Pavel, Pavel the Platypus!_

_Major Monogram/Spock: But you can call him Agent P._

_Male Singer/Jim: Perry!_

_Major Monogram/Spock: I said you can call him Agent P!_

_Male Singer/Jim and Backup singers: A-Gent P!_

_ Every dancer posed and the music with no discernible sources stopped._

Jim and Sulu's jaw dropped in unison, while Spock's face was a mask of Vulcan poise, though inwardly he tried hard to stifle laughter. Jim, Sulu and the bystanders recovered from their shock and burst into fits of laughter. Chekov ducked his head in embarrassment, and was showered with compliments for his dancing instead insults and jokes. Anais slinked an arm around Chekov's shoulders and led him over to the mess hall to grab a imitation milkshake.

Meanwhile the video was going viral on the Enterprise passing from PADD to PADD.

This was one of the bets that did not end up in mental scarring. Much mental scarring.


End file.
